Social media has transformed dating, relationships, and self-perception, especially for women. A growing trend in South Africa is that many women view themselves as “the prize”—meaning they believe they deserve a high-status man and will not settle for an “ordinary” guy. This is evident on platforms like Instagram, Twitter (X), and TikTok, where some women refuse to entertain direct messages (DMs) from regular men, barely engage with their posts, and instead dedicate their online attention to celebrities and influencers.
But the question that many men ask remains: You want so-and-so celebrity, but does that celebrity want you?
Ordinary guys argue that many women reject them in pursuit of a “high-value” man—only to realize later that such men never considered them as an option. The fear is that years down the line, these women may find themselves still single and lonely because they overlooked potential partners who genuinely wanted them.
Dr. Sipho Mkhize, a social psychologist based in Johannesburg, explains:
“The idea that women see themselves as the prize is deeply rooted in both biological and social factors. Historically, women have sought security and provision in partners, but social media has exaggerated this preference by exposing them to high-status individuals they might never have encountered before. This creates a false sense of availability—women think these men are attainable, but in reality, they are not.”
Social media has amplified hypergamy—the idea that women should date or marry up. Engaging with celebrities or influencers online gives many women a sense of social validation, even if those interactions are one-sided. It becomes less about finding love and more about maintaining a certain image.
Nhlanhla, a 30-year-old man from Vanderbijlpark, shared his frustration after trying to engage with a woman online:
“I DMed this girl for months, just being polite and trying to have a conversation. She never responded, but I saw her liking and commenting on a rapper’s posts all the time. One day, she screenshotted my messages and posted them on her story with laughing emojis. I felt humiliated. She didn’t just ignore me; she made a joke out of me.”
This kind of public rejection discourages many men from even trying, reinforcing the divide between “ordinary” guys and the women who see themselves as too valuable to engage with them.
On the other side, women who adopt the “high-value” mindset believe they deserve the best and should never settle. Lebo, a 27-year-old woman from Sebokeng, proudly considers herself part of this movement:
“I was raised to know my worth. I work hard, I take care of myself, and I refuse to settle for a guy who can’t offer me a certain lifestyle. Why should I entertain an ordinary man when I know I deserve better? It’s not about being rude; it’s about choosing wisely.”
But this attitude raises concerns: Are these women overestimating their desirability to high-value men? Do they risk aging out of their own standards, eventually settling for less than what they initially rejected?
This trend is not just happening in big cities like Johannesburg or Cape Town—it’s visible even in places like the Vaal. Here, many young women aspire to the “soft life,” influenced by celebrities and influencers who showcase designer bags, vacations, and luxury lifestyles. Local guys, however, argue that this mindset is unrealistic given the region’s economic struggles.
“Women here act like they’re living in Sandton, but we’re in the Vaal. There aren’t millionaires everywhere,” says Thabo, a Sasolburg resident. “They ignore good men because they think some rich guy is coming to rescue them. But those guys are either married, dating models, or just playing around.”
The real question is: What happens in 5, 10, or 15 years? Will these women still hold onto their high standards, or will they find themselves lonely and regretting the men they once ignored?
Dr. Mkhize warns:
“The danger of holding out for a perfect man who doesn’t exist is that time keeps moving. Women who reject genuine love in their 20s may find it harder to settle down later because the dating pool shrinks with age. High-value men have options, and many prefer younger women. This could leave some women single and disappointed.”
Social media has created a fantasy world where women believe they are the prize and should only entertain top-tier men. But as ordinary guys argue, the men they want might never want them back.
While it’s important for women to have standards, there’s also a need for balance. Relationships are built on genuine connections, not just status or money. The biggest question remains: Is holding out for the perfect man worth the risk of ending up alone?
