In a time where “situationships” are trending and DMs are hotter than summer in Jozi, there’s a quiet but powerful movement happening — the celibacy squad. And they’re not your stereotypical monks or nuns. They’re everyday people like 35-year-old Lilly from Sasolburg, who says celibacy wasn’t a spiritual awakening but rather, “a way to protect my peace.”
“I was going through some rough patch-nyana,” Lilly tells us, “and then I decided to stop a lot of things. Being celibate was one of them. At first, I said one year. Now I’m on two years and a month, and I’m not pressed.”
Her choice wasn’t about religion or shame, but real-life drama in a small town. “You give someone a nut,” she laughs, “and next thing, everyone knows. Even people who weren’t supposed to know. Sasolburg is small, hey. Ba leleme! So, I told myself — never again until it feels right.”
For Lilly, celibacy has meant rediscovering herself. “I love myself too much to be giving it up to every Tom, Dick and Harry. Even if he’s offering lunch, dinner, or ice cream — it’s a no. I’ve got a backbone. I’ve got myself. And I’m okay.”
But Lilly isn’t alone in this journey.
“Celibacy gave me clarity” – Ayanda, 27, from Sebokeng
For Ayanda, a digital content creator, celibacy wasn’t planned either — it happened after heartbreak. “My ex cheated on me with someone I knew. It broke me. So I paused everything — relationships, sex, the whole lot,” she says.
“I needed to reconnect with myself. And funny enough, the longer I stayed celibate, the more I started noticing my patterns. I was using sex as validation. Now? I’m sharper, more focused, and I trust myself more.”
Ayanda admits it hasn’t been easy. “The cons? Loneliness. People not taking you seriously. And sometimes, yeah, you miss the touch. But the pros? Peace of mind, emotional clarity, and no awkward texts the next day.”
“It was never that deep for me” – Thabiso, 32, from Deneysville
On the flip side, Thabiso’s approach to celibacy is more casual. “I’m just not in the mood. There, I said it,” he shrugs. “I’m not emotionally available, and I don’t want to be in situations that drain me. I’m building my brand, and I need to stay focused.”
When asked if he misses intimacy, he says, “I mean, sure, we’re human. But I’ve found other outlets — gym, friends, focus. The truth is, you don’t need sex to be fulfilled. That’s a myth.”
He also adds a real one-liner: “One round isn’t worth years of drama. I’ll pass, thanks.”
What the Experts Say
According to Johannesburg-based clinical psychologist Dr. Naledi Maseko, choosing celibacy can have powerful emotional benefits — especially in high-stress environments or after emotional trauma.
“Celibacy gives people an opportunity to press pause and reassess their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs,” says Dr. Maseko. “It can be incredibly healing. When you’re not entangled in sexual relationships, you often gain better clarity about your boundaries, your self-worth, and what you want from future partners.”
She warns, however, that celibacy should be a personal choice — not something adopted out of fear, shame, or social pressure. “Like any lifestyle decision, it has to come from a place of self-awareness.”
According to a 2023 study by the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), 34% of young adults between the ages of 25–35 have chosen to abstain from sex for at least six months, citing reasons like emotional healing, focusing on personal goals, or waiting for the right partner.
Globally, research published in the Journal of Sex Research also shows a growing trend of intentional celibacy, especially among millennials and Gen Z. The study found that 1 in 4 young adults now consider celibacy at some point in their dating journey.
The Real Talk: Pros and Cons of Celibacy
Pros:
Peace of mind – no stress about who’s texting or ghosting.
Self-discovery – you learn what you want beyond physical attraction.
Healthier boundaries – less pressure, fewer messy entanglements.
Emotional clarity – less clouded decision-making in relationships.
Cons:
Loneliness – physical and emotional intimacy can be missed.
Social pressure – people don’t always understand or respect your choice.
Temptation – staying disciplined isn’t always easy.
Feeling “left out” – in a hyper-sexualized culture, celibacy can feel isolating.
So, Why Are More People Talking About This?
Celibacy is no longer just a religious vow — for many, it’s a lifestyle choice, a healing phase, or a way to take control of their narrative in a world full of noise.
Whether you’re in it for a few months, a few years, or just testing the waters, people like Lilly, Ayanda, and Thabiso are showing that it’s okay to say: Not today, Satan.
As Lilly puts it: “It’s not something I brag about, but I’m proud of myself. I’m doing it for me.”
Would you ever consider celibacy? Tell us what you think on socials — tag @FOMOMag and join the convo with #FOMOCelibacyChoice
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